The Civil Partnership Of Alys & Josie

The limo pulled up outside the Register Office, the brides stepped out to applause, the flowers were beautiful, the pageboy well-behaved, the mother wearing a big hat. Yes, we’re talking weddings here. It would be entirely possible to perform the legal function of a Civil Partnership without all the pomp and ceremony but this was what we wanted after waiting for so long.

Let’s wind it back a year to when Alys proposed to me. She had been driving home from work and heard on the radio that Civil Partnerships for same-sex couples were to be made legal and would be performed from December 2005. This was in November 2004. There was no getting-down-on-one-knee because she was too busy jumping up and down with excitement. Once I’d worked out that she was actually asking me to marry her, I said yes (of course) and began to jump up and down myself.

We set the date for December 21st (Solstice) and went shopping for engagement rings. Then things settled down for a while as life took over and the next big excitement was booking the ceremony with the Register Office. This was when we discovered that the date we’d decided on was actually the first possible date to do it. We realised that the whole issue would make the headlines but little did we think back then what a fuss would be caused in the weeks leading up to it.

We were interviewed for the BBC Politics programme screened on 4th December – the day before we registered our intent. We considered inviting the press to the actual event but decided against it, mainly because we didn’t want our son’s face to be plastered across the papers. Besides which, I think they were more interested in Elton John.

I have to say that the Register Office in Cardiff were exceptionally accommodating, the staff were friendly and helpful and everything went very smoothly. The flowers were also beautiful and the women from Cariad Designs who provided them were lovely. In fact, every ‘wedding service’ we used, from the shops where we bought the dresses to the limo driver, were all completely homophobe-free which was a great relief. Perhaps they saw us coming with glee, thinking ‘two brides!’ and rubbing their hands together at the thought of all those pink pounds.

As we stepped out of the Register Office, another wedding party were waiting to go in, with bride and groom. The guests of that party saw that we were two brides and they clapped and cheered. That was a brilliant feeling. There were no protesters hanging around outside and no press either, just us and our friends and family.

The reception was held in Llandaff Rowing Club and we had an evening Handfasting by the river which was also beautiful and moving. We had our first dance to the song Perfect Fingers by Tami Greer which features in one of our favourite films Better Than Chocolate. The cake was leaning dangerously to one side so it was cut early. We have kept the bride and bride decoration which was incredibly difficult to find, and the two of them sit proudly on our dresser, with the certificate behind.

As Alys says, there is no need to go traditional with the wedding. You can walk in and sign the papers with witnesses and then walk out again – a bit like making a will except that with a Civil Partnership as with a marriage you give the two weeks’ notice. With a Civil Marriage there are certain words that have to be said for the legal procedure, not so with a Civil Partnership: you can stay silent if you wish! There are other differences, like that the Partnership doesn’t have to be consummated, and that it is not possible to cite ‘adultery’ as a reason for dissolution (divorce). This seems to be due to the archaic definition of ‘sexual intercourse’ as heterosexual.

Little has changed in our lives since we are now ‘married’. We already lived together and had the same name and our daily existence has not altered. But we now have the security of knowing that we are each other’s next-of-kin, I have more rights in relation to our son (we are planning to pursue the legal guardianship issue), and we legitimately wear wedding rings. I have also embraced ‘Mrs’ as I never thought I would and have made a point of changing my name on my bank account to this effect.

I have already noticed the change in people’s attitudes towards me when they see my ring or hear me referred to as Mrs. Whether this is due to their own assumptions of my heterosexuality or whether it is that in society an attached person is seen as having more status, I don’t know. What I do know is that no-one can ever again say that my relationship is not permanent or legitimate, or that I am going through a phase.

Josie Henley-Einion (Velvet Issue 7, Feb 2006)