Civil partnerships - A Marriage In All But Name

It is with great pleasure and pride that I announce the recent marriage of myself and my partner. I use the term marriage with some trepidation – in law, after all, the legal process we have just been through can only be referred to as a Civil Partnership, never as a marriage. But as I write I gaze fondly at a cream envelope from the Register Office, which states that it contains “The marriage certificate of Josie and Alys Henley-Einion.” Inside is a Civil Partnership certificate. Does the terminology really make any difference?

Civil Partnerships have sparked a great deal of debate within the lesbian and gay community. There are those who hail them as a great breakthrough, a milestone in the fight for equality and acceptance. But others are asking “so what?” The implications of Civil Partnerships for lesbians and gay men may yet to be fully realised, and some members of the lesbian and gay community, oppose them almost as vehemently as they oppose marriage.

So what is the big deal? After all, do we really need a piece of paper to legitimise our relationships? Society has moved on from an exclusively heterosexist standpoint where everyone must either be married or wishing that they were so. Some may argue that to ape heterosexual marriage is a betrayal of what it is to be homosexual. But does the Civil Partnership really ape marriage? In some ways, it does.

It is, after all, the chance to celebrate and honour your relationship in the presence of friends and family. And it does place your relationship on firm legal footing, affording you and your partner the status of next of kin, a strong argument in terms of having rights to common property and even access rights to visit a sick partner in hospital, or to be kept informed of vital information about your partner. As a health professional, I have witnessed incidences where one member of a gay couple is denied access to his dying partner by that partner’s family, on the grounds that he is no relation. I have seen lesbian women denied access to their partner and newborn child in hospital for the same reason. Having entered into a Civil Partnership, each partner is the other’s closest relative. Which means in the sad event of the death of one partner, the other now has unassailable legal rights.

Civil Partners also have more rights in terms of pension benefits and other benefits related to couples in terms of medical insurance, life insurance and the like. And in the event of a separation, there is now a legal process which ensures a fair and just resolution to the relationship, including financial settlement.

Civil Partners with children, who then separate, may find themselves making contributions towards supporting those children who no longer live with them. Another possible negative is that when claiming State Benefits, the relationship is taking into consideration.

I write from a standpoint firmly supportive of Civil Partnerships, but this is a personal view based on my relationship. After seven years together, we had done everything we could to legitimise our relationship and force those around us to accept us as a couple, and as joint parents of our child. Now the law has done this for us, and we can no longer be denied as a family. This may not be everyone’s preference, or choice, but surely what is most important is that we are no longer being denied that choice? Yes, Civil Partnership echoes marriage, but more and more heterosexual couples are marrying because of the legal and financial benefits it will bring, not because it is a big romantic gesture. Few women now promise to obey their husband. In the Civil Partnership ceremony, we chose our own vows, and even then stumbled over the ‘be faithful to each other’! To me it seems a form of liberation from invisibility. We are fully visible now, as we prefer to be. But it does not mean everyone else must follow suit.

Speaking of suits, how far you go with the ‘event’ is also entirely up to the individual. There is no need to even have a ceremony – the couple can simply register their intent, then two weeks later sign the forms, with witnesses. But most Register Offices make provision for ceremonies, as did the one we chose. Their treatment of us was nothing short of wonderful, and they were sensitive and supportive and almost as excited as us! They provided a leaflet, a choice of different vows and promises, and even a selection of readings for the ceremony. It was truly beautiful, and during the ceremony, there was hardly a dry eye in the room. I can honestly state that I have never been happier.

In conclusion, I would like to add this. We didn’t need anyone else to approve of our relationship, but as most lesbian couples know, families are not always understanding about lesbian lifestyles. Everyone important to us was there for our ‘wedding’ – family and friends, and shared in a great and momentous occasion. That meant more to us than we had anticipated, and we realised then how far we had come as a couple, and just what the Civil Partnership signified for us. A legal and lasting commitment to each other, on our own terms.

And a nice big pile of presents! Thanks everyone, for the B&Q vouchers – the new bathroom should be going in soon!!

Alys Henley-Einion (Velvet Issue 7, Feb 2006)